did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Randomize
