I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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