im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
