Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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