dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
