is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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