Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
