Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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