So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
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