i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
