i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
