i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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