Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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