I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
