...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
