Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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