Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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