I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
