I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
