Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she peed on how many people?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
