new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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