well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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