Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
