Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
