the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
