toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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