i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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