Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
