I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
