Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
