Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
