Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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