tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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