This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
did you just send me my own nude
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
