I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
