I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
