I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
