just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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