Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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