Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
