Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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