Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
There r osticjed everywhere
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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