Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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