i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
