he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
