Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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