yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
