Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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