pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
