We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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